Romance, as you might expect, is hard to come by in the stomach of a dragon, but who's to say it can't be found?

Last night I had difficulty sleeping; I just couldn't seem to get comfortable in my hammock (the changes in altitude make things tricky), so I decided to take a small walk. I remembered reading once that dragons have hearts made of pure fire, so I set off to where I thought was up to see if I could get a look at it through the layers of tissue.

Of course I ended up getting lost, no one ever thinks to study dragon anatomy beyond 'this is where the fire comes out' and 'these are the pointy parts you should avoid.' Anyways, I stumbled across a rare discovery--a dry spot!

It looks like I'm inside a serious treasure-hoarder. The dragon has a dry place in its stomach where all the gold it has swallowed have formed a sort of alluvial sandbank. It's snug against a wall of stomach lining, and while it isn't the most comfortable place to sit, the stench is a little weaker and it gave me some time to let my clothes dry and think over my situation.

Blogging and copious amounts of treasure are fine and all, but a girl has needs. I was just thinking that it sure would be nice if the dragon would swallow a dance party of gorgeous men for me when the most amazing thing happened.

I don't know if there were fireworks or a crazy sunrise or what, but all of a sudden there were huge bursts of colorful light outside the dragon! I managed to find an ornate wine vessel nestled amongst the wondrous items. I drank wine while watching the light-show and had a great time of it, despite the serious lack of dancing men.

There must have been others enjoying it too, I heard some faint shouts in the direction the lights were coming from. So romantic!



Time Passes

I've begun attempting to devise a timekeeping system for myself here. My watch was smashed during the swallowing process. But I've started to figure out how long it takes certain things to dissolve, and using this method, I can sort of get a feel for how much time is passing. Guts and organs usually go first, within perhaps two hours. Skin takes longer. Maybe five hours. Bones take the longest, so they're not of much use. Also, the dragon eats on a regular basis, so when something fresh comes tumbling in, showering me with a cascade of its hot, sticky innards, I at least know it's been about twelve hours. That's how often dragons eat. Or were you not aware? What do they teach in that school of yours?

Comments on my telepathic blog posts appear to return to me as echoes in the dragon's stomach. This makes for some rather odd situations, as I've already found myself at least once today shouting, "I disagree with your point but I respect your right to hold your own opinion!" Which seems silly when the only things around you are fleshy stomach walls, pools of digestive juice, and chunks of various dead things. Still, it's nice to know my words are being read. Now if only I could devise a means of signaling someone on the outside as to which dragon I'm in. There are so many around, you know. Hard to keep track. And I can't expect someone to go around slicing up every dragon until they find me. It's illegal.

I came upon something resembling a hammock today. I have no idea how it got here, but it looked comfy so I rested in it. I couldn't help but wonder why the dragon would eat a hammock made of skins from dead animals, which it had also eaten. Perhaps it made the hammock for me and then consumed it? That would be very courteous. Further investigation is necessary.

I'm beginning to wonder why I haven't melted away yet. Perhaps those blessings I received from the Elves really are working after all! I knew saving their Princess was a good idea.



Exploring the Beast

So after my initial bout of loneliness, I think this might actually be a pretty cool arrangement. Sure, I'm being slowly digested by a gargantuan or possibly colossal dragon, am unlikely to ever see the sun again, and am destined to wander these acidic pits alone until my untimely death, but that doesn't mean I can't have a bit of fun right?

The dragon must have taken a nap after eating me, but now it's moving around a bit. The sloshing took some time to get used to, but after some practice now I'm able to walk around just fine. Being inside a stomach is actually kind of fun if you can make a game out of it. I like to skip the small, smooth bones across the digestive fluid as I walk along.

Using my torch, I went exploring for a bit. I found some scratches on the beast's stomach lining that look like a count or tally, but could have just been signs of dragon indigestion.  I also came across some silver scales, so either I'm inside a nice silver dragon that likes chewing on itself or I've been consumed by an evil silver-dragon-consuming monster.

About an hour into my exploration, the dragon must have taken off. I blacked out at the sudden increased g-force, and when I came back to I guess the thing had landed somewhere else. I'm going to have to find out where I am... By the looks of the least digested meal, I'm going to say we're in Scotland?

In the mean time I've been putting together a hammock with a sturdy harness out of partially digested animal skins. Next time this sucker takes off I plan to enjoy it!

-Girl Inside a Dragon, or Girl.IAD

PS. Anyone have some cooking tips or recipes that might be nice down here? Despite the sickening smell, I'm starting to get a little peckish... Wish I had someone here who could cast purify food and drink. That always seemed like such a worthless spell till now...


The Reptile Question

As I sit amidst the slime and detritus here inside this dragon's stomach, I can't help but ponder something: are dragons reptiles? This question deserves a moment of my now ample free time.

I have no reference tools here in the murk. No Wikipedia. No Yahoo! Answers. Guess I'm just going to need to use what I can remember from high school biology and power though. Hope you taught me well, science teacher whose name I can't recall due to the excruciating pain from the digestive acids!

Reptiles are, like, scaly and stuff. They have crazy eyes. Sometimes they can climb on walls and ceilings, but sometimes they're snakes and have no arms. How do snakes get anything done? That's what I want to know. Snakes are like nature's joke. "Hey, let's make one with no arms or legs," Nature said, laughing to herself (itself? himself? Am I being gender-biased?) "Let's see if it can function like that." Mostly I wonder how snakes have sex. There's, like, nothing exciting about it. No arms or legs, right? Where's the fun in that? Or maybe that would make it more fun. I really don't know. I may not have a chance to find out, being trapped in this dragon's stomach more or less alone. I thought I heard a voice a while ago, and for a second I thought I saw the shadow of a rabbit being consumed by a serpent... but it was probably my imagination.

Anyway, the most critical piece of information of all: cold blood. Reptiles have cold blood. There's certainly a lot of liquid in here, but none of it is blood, nor is any of it cold. I'm pretty sure it's all hot and melty. Maybe their blood melts things. Does reptile blood melt steel? I know I read that somewhere. Oh, and it cures a variety of diseases too, right? Hepatitis, polio, stigmatism, arthritis, and incompetence. That's a diesase, right? So yeah, cold blood. It's heated by the sun. They lay in the sun all day so they can stay warm. That would suck to have to lay in the sun and get all dried out. Maybe that's why they're scaly. They'd have smooth, soft skin if they didn't need to lay in the sun.

Do dragons have cold blood? If they do, they're probably reptiles. But they breathe fire! How can their blood be cold? Okay, they're scaly. And they lay eggs. Reptiles lay eggs. Can you eat reptile eggs? I've never heard of anyone doing that. Maybe they're amazing and no one has tried. I'm not sure. But I can tell you this: reptiles do not usually eat people. Dragons do. That's a point against you, dragons!

Okay, breakdown here. Reptiles: cold blood, lay eggs, scales, climb walls except when snakes. Dragons: don't climb walls but can fly, lay eggs, blood temperature uncertain, scales.

Half-reptile? This question requires more research. I'll keep looking around. Maybe I can find some of the dragon's blood, or a textbook somewhere in here.

-GuyInsideADragon, or Guy.IAD

It's Dark and Lonely in Here Guys

This dragon is super dark and wet inside, and doesn't contain much in the way of respectable company. I've gotten a little lonely. Luckily I found the dragon's flarynx and was able to start a torch. I've been making shadow puppets on his stomach lining for like an hour now, but Mr. Bunny and Ms. Snake got in a fight. The skeleton of the last guy this dragon ate didn't seem amused, so I stopped and now I'm all alone again.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you see a glowing dragon, help?


How did this happen?

I appear to be inside a dragon. This is most unfortunate. Thank the Gods for my telepathic blogging abilities; at least now I can inform the outside world of my predicament.

But what to say? I must think on the matter. Luckily I will have plenty of time to consider the difficult conundrum of topic selection, for as noted, I am currently inside a motherfucking dragon. Quite a situation.