As I sit amidst the slime and detritus here inside this dragon's stomach, I can't help but ponder something: are dragons reptiles? This question deserves a moment of my now ample free time.
I have no reference tools here in the murk. No Wikipedia. No Yahoo! Answers. Guess I'm just going to need to use what I can remember from high school biology and power though. Hope you taught me well, science teacher whose name I can't recall due to the excruciating pain from the digestive acids!
Reptiles are, like, scaly and stuff. They have crazy eyes. Sometimes they can climb on walls and ceilings, but sometimes they're snakes and have no arms. How do snakes get anything done? That's what I want to know. Snakes are like nature's joke. "Hey, let's make one with no arms or legs," Nature said, laughing to herself (itself? himself? Am I being gender-biased?) "Let's see if it can function like that." Mostly I wonder how snakes have sex. There's, like, nothing exciting about it. No arms or legs, right? Where's the fun in that? Or maybe that would make it more fun. I really don't know. I may not have a chance to find out, being trapped in this dragon's stomach more or less alone. I thought I heard a voice a while ago, and for a second I thought I saw the shadow of a rabbit being consumed by a serpent... but it was probably my imagination.
Anyway, the most critical piece of information of all: cold blood. Reptiles have cold blood. There's certainly a lot of liquid in here, but none of it is blood, nor is any of it cold. I'm pretty sure it's all hot and melty. Maybe their blood melts things. Does reptile blood melt steel? I know I read that somewhere. Oh, and it cures a variety of diseases too, right? Hepatitis, polio, stigmatism, arthritis, and incompetence. That's a diesase, right? So yeah, cold blood. It's heated by the sun. They lay in the sun all day so they can stay warm. That would suck to have to lay in the sun and get all dried out. Maybe that's why they're scaly. They'd have smooth, soft skin if they didn't need to lay in the sun.
Do dragons have cold blood? If they do, they're probably reptiles. But they breathe fire! How can their blood be cold? Okay, they're scaly. And they lay eggs. Reptiles lay eggs. Can you eat reptile eggs? I've never heard of anyone doing that. Maybe they're amazing and no one has tried. I'm not sure. But I can tell you this: reptiles do not usually eat people. Dragons do. That's a point against you, dragons!
Okay, breakdown here. Reptiles: cold blood, lay eggs, scales, climb walls except when snakes. Dragons: don't climb walls but can fly, lay eggs, blood temperature uncertain, scales.
Half-reptile? This question requires more research. I'll keep looking around. Maybe I can find some of the dragon's blood, or a textbook somewhere in here.
-GuyInsideADragon, or Guy.IAD
Dragons are probably more closely related to dinosaurs, given their ability to fly means they probably have a hollow bone structure like birds. Does that one fly? Have you experienced any g-forces to indicate that?
ReplyDeleteAs for the snake sex, I'm guessing its like full-time rope play and bondage.
@Matt:
ReplyDeleteAt some point today I suddenly heard a strange noise here in the dragon's stomach--which, I have discerned, is a pretty fucking huge place. I was initially confused, as the sound was in fact a very specific comment on my most recent post. I then realized that, somehow, the responses of the world outside reverberate throughout this beast as echoes, for reasons unknown. So I am shouting this response back to you! But I'm trying to speak using perfect diction so it'll look nice in written form. Style counts you know.
Anyway, dragons might be like dinosaurs. Your idea holds water, or stomach acid. Dinosaurs are big, scaly, lay eggs, don't crawl on walls. Lots of pluses for the theory. But are dinosaurs reptiles? Ah, that is the critical question! If A is B and B is C, is A better than B? Where is C on the spectrum of betterness? I don't know if dinosaurs are reptiles. Maybe you can use the Googles out there to find out.
Snakes are pretty kinky, pun fully intended.
-Guy.IAD